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Perfection is exhausting

  • Post author:Metiya
  • Post published:June 5, 2024
  • Post category:Healing/Musings
  • Post comments:2 Comments
Read more about the article Perfection is exhausting

I used to be proud of being a perfectionist, but I donā€™t wanna do it anymore. Perfectionism hides fear, for me it was a fear of being rejected or abandonedā€¦again.…

Continue ReadingPerfection is exhausting

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Itā€™s funny we live in a broken world but do ever Itā€™s funny we live in a broken world but do everything to run from brokenness. Even when we believe we are deeply broken, we try to cover it up, to bury it so far deep within that no one can see it... Healing starts with grieving. And to grieve, you have to allow yourself to feel. Even if youā€™re scared that all youā€™ll feel is broken šŸ’” The truth is, there is beauty in your brokenness; strength in your existence, power in your pain, and inspiration in your story. I never thought Iā€™d be able to sit in the wounds of the childhood trauma I had buried for over 20years. I never thought Iā€™d ever experience true joy, love or fulfilment. I thought it was for other people and I was too ā€˜differentā€™. I was very successful at being an undercover broken person, youā€™d have no idea the pain behind the smile. But in the stillness of the midnight hour; the blackness of the dark nights, it would creep up like a diagonal crack along the wall reminding me that there was a problem in the structural foundation. And like any builder will tell you - patching up structural cracks will only lead to further damage and compromise the safety and stability of your home - your soul, your hope. So how do you survive brokenness? You return to the creator. God has the power to transform your pain into purpose, your tears of mourning into rejoicing and your ashes into a crown of beauty. No matter how broken you feel today - know that God is with you in that brokenness and he will not leave you how he finds you, but he will leave you how he planned you. ā€œFor I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans of good and not of evil. To give you a hope and a future.ā€ šŸ„¹Jeremiah 29:11 Iā€™m so grateful for the beauty YOU bring into this world. Despite the breaking,you are a BLESSING. Will you take your broken pieces to the master potter? ā¤ļøā€šŸ©¹ Art by @chimahaga #morethanaconqueror #survivortothriver #healingjourney #brokenbutblessed
Come with me to get our director Mr @tylerperry of Come with me to get our director Mr @tylerperry of The Six Triple Eight movie and our choreographer the incredible Ms @therealdebbieallen a thank you card! šŸ’— We had so many wonderful memories when filming @sixtripleeight_netflix but one of the best things about it was meeting so many diverse and beautiful Black women working as a unit of over 200 everyday right here in UK šŸ‡¬šŸ‡§ It was so powerful and healing for me particularly having grown up in a small town in Yorkshire as the only Black girl in my school. We danced, laughed and cried togetheršŸ„¹ And Ms Debbie made sure we marched perfectly together too - guys she does not play when it comes to her craft šŸ¤£ā¤ļø Filming in the freezing UK February weather was definitely a challenge but we encouraged each other and built a wonderful sisterhood. Because we knew that the women of the 6888th battalion went through the worst conditions and persevered to victory! It was a double pleasure to film part of this in my university town @universityofbradford and work with the locals again ā¤ļø We were so honoured to have been part of history! šŸ«” #sixtripleeight #6888
My first sermon : Conditions for a miracle LIVEST My first sermon : Conditions for a miracle LIVESTREAM
After a year of healing from toxic shame and child After a year of healing from toxic shame and childhood abuse, in September 2024 I attended Woman Evolve conference in Dallas, TexasšŸ‡ŗšŸ‡øand experienced my full breakthrough ā›“ļø The week before my flight to Dallas, I had finally confronted and disclosed my abuse to family involved. But it hadnā€™t really sank in. Everything was happening so fast and I couldnā€™t quite believe that I was free or what it meant to be free. It was like the speakers at @womanevolve knew that chains needed to broken and burnt to the ground. From worship with Tasha Cobbs to the messages from Dr Anita Phillips, @sarahjakesroberts and in this clip @sherylbrady there was a POWERFUL repetition and reiteration of Godā€™s UNFAILING love for us. That God knew us, saw us and he loved us even before he formed the foundations of the earth. That God CHOSE us. What does it even mean That God chose YOU? Thereā€™s a story of a man named David, you probably know him as King David the great warrior and psalmistšŸ¤“šŸæ But before he was king, David was just a boy. He was a son, a little brother of 7 and a shepherd of his fatherā€™s flock. David was so ordinary that when the prophet Samuel came to anoint the next king of Israel, Davidā€™s own father didnā€™t even think to include him in the lineupšŸ˜¢ Actually the prophet took one look at his older, taller, more handsome brother and wanted to anoint him instead! But God stepped in and said that he doesnā€™t use the same factors as people when it comes to choosing, he sees the heart ā¤ļø God had chosen David. David lived a tumultuous life of incredible highs and direst lows. At one point he was running for his life, tears on a rock for a pillow, fighting alone in the darkest corner with no one to support or encourage him. But David never gave up because he chose to BELIEVE that God was always with him. David didnā€™t have looks like AJ, billions in the bank, an MBA or experience in Kingship. But God chose him for the same reason he chooses you - coz you are his, and he is yours. When David CHOSE God back, he stepped into his power, his strength and his PURPOSE . What are you gonna step into in 2025? I canā€™t wait to see what your YES will unveil šŸ¤—
And then this happened!šŸ™†šŸæā€ā™€ļø So it was And then this happened!šŸ™†šŸæā€ā™€ļø So it was January 2023 and I was on a solo trip in Malta bringing in the new year. I was confused and stressed about my life, so I decided to start the year in St Paulā€™s Bay praying and fasting for Godā€™s guidance. On the second day of my prayer & fasting I got a text from my old agency saying I should apply for a role they thought would be suitable for me. I ignored it šŸ«  Prayer & fasting day 3 I got another text saying I was BOOKED for the same job. šŸ˜£ Fast-forward to February and I found myself on the set of The Six Triple Eight film in Cambridge acting alongside Mrs Kerry Washington, under the directorship of Mr @tylerperry and the choreography of @therealdebbieallen !šŸ˜± Iā€™ll never forget the moment I got to share a scene with @kerrywashington .It was one of the best moments of my life to sit opposite her and act through the announcement of President Rooseveltā€™s death ( edited scene) and I felt ALIVE. The first time I acted in a play was in Reception in Kabwe, Zambia. I was so excited to play Mary but was given the role of a sheep without an audition! I cried all the way home until my mum asked them to give me an audition and they were so shocked that the shy little girl came alive on stage. The following year I played the nightingale in The Nightingale, then Maria in Sound of Music, then Zipporah in Moses and finally finished high school in England with a newspaper article for getting one of the highest GCSE scores in the country in Performing Arts. My parents thought it would be better off for me to focus on medical school vs drama šŸŽ­ so thatā€™s what I did. I thank God for that because truthfully, it was easier for me to be someone else than to be myself and I might never have learnt to be myself. 15 years later and dream deferred and forgotten, but I guess God never forgot šŸ„ŗ Itā€™s no coincidence that this is the movie God chose for me to be in. The Six Triple Eight film tells the true story of the the first and only Womenā€™s Army Corps unit of color to be stationed overseas during World War II. These incredible women faced segregation, discrimination and racism BUT they soldiered on. (Continued in commentsšŸ‘‡šŸæā€¦)
But WHY does he love me? I recall countless sleepl But WHY does he love me? I recall countless sleepless nights up pondering the thought. WHY does God love me? So much of the value the world puts on us is based on the benefits or usefulness we contribute to them. Itā€™s easy to love the successful, wonderful person you appear to be on Instagram, but so many beautiful smiles hide the most broken hearts šŸ’” Who are we when all the shiny things are taken away? The most difficult shackle to break during my healing journey was TOXIC shameā›“ļø Feeling like it was my fault that the things that happened to me did. And carrying the weight of concealing those things in a bid to change the inner narrative about my value. How do you learn to love your true self in a world that places brokenness at the bottom of the ladder? When I opened Godā€™s word in the bible it stated that our value was not based on the things we had - the titles or achievements, the failures, or the hurt of the past. It said your value is based on GOD the creator who saw you even before you were born. Who chose you when you couldnā€™t even choose yourself. šŸ‘¶šŸ¾ God who is not afraid of your brokenness, because he is the ONLY one who knows the light he placed in you since the beginning. šŸ”† And that light is greater than any darkness and evil this world and Satan can throw at you. Why does God love you? Because you are HIS and he is YOURS šŸ’ž He wants to turn your ashes into a crown of beauty too, sis šŸ„¹ā¤ļø šŸ‘‘šŸ•Šļøx #survivortothriver #morethanaconqueror #healingjourney šŸ“ø : @gabriellenca.photography
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